Coffee and Quarantine.

I suck at this. I haven't written in over a month, but in my defense I was incredibly busy.

I made it back to school alive, moved in, and had a panic attack, firstly. I suppose it was a mixture of homesickness, smothering, and oxycodon. As soon as my medicine went down to about a pill a day, everything started settling down.

Bought my books, mostly on Amazon (what a beautiful website). Buying things are so easy but how do I sell things? It's on my to-do list. Decorated the house (dollar store, big lots, WalMart and heavy-duty wall tape... so cute, so cheap). Went to some parties, saw people I hadn't seen in four months, slept a lot. Had my first sleepover with Jim. :) It's nice waking up to him.

School started, and all of my classes are great. Drawing takes up the most time, but I figured as much. Mass Comm consists of watching YouTube videos, as does Visual Culture (thus far). Writing consists of NYTimes.com and powerpoints. Simple enough. Business consists of a YouTube video to start every class, then a powerpoint.

Halloween is coming up and for once I'm excited because we A. have a place to party and B. know what we want to be! I'm coordinating with Paige but it's top secret. I'll put up pictures... maybe.

Probably the biggest news is me being an official associate of Phi Alpha Omega, Flagler's sorority. I had to wear spirit chains, carry around a flour baby and candy, dance in front of Lewis Hall (the boys' dorms), memorize the Greek alphabet, make a scrapbook, interview the existing sisters, and much more. It was hectic and exhausting but worth it - I can tell it's going to be a lot of fun. Who would have pictures me in a sorority? Anyone? Anyone?

Excess.

I go to bed each night thinking it'll be better in the morning, and I've been wrong. It's not unbearable, it's just like Groundhog Day - it starts over exactly how I remember it being the morning before. Popsicles are the nicest, but it's rare to find me eating unless I have to mix my pain medication with something. My diet so far is as follows: two perkasets crushed into a few spoonfuls of applesauce for breakfast, two perkasets crushed into a few spoonfuls of yogurt for lunch, two perkasets crushed into a few spoonful of mashed potatoes for dinner and a popsicle for dessert. Needless to say, I weighed myself this morning and have lost 4 lbs within the first two days.

I haven't really done much so far... I've passed along probably the only two sunny days we'll have all week, so not only will I look frail, I'll look transparent as well! Lovely. But I've watched Hercules and Aladdin, and I have Willy Wonka and Watchmen ready to be watched whenever I feel as though I can stay awake long enough... I've been working a little on my iTunes album art, reading a little more of Breaking Dawn (so many twists I can't take it anymore!) but mostly sleeping and playing the Sims3.

Steph is gone.

Nikki is gone.

Brit is gone.

Casey is gone.

Allison is gone.

Adam is on his way over to say bye (he leaves tomorrow).

I told myself I wouldn't let this happen again - wouldn't be the last one to leave so that I only had to say goodbye once.

Maybe next summer.

Whack attack!

Bar Louie was incredibly stupid, for the people I work with weren't there for more than three seconds a piece, and the other people from Algonquin were just crude. I should have just gone straight home after getting my hair done. But in better news - the hairdo is great! I darkened it a little and got a trim - looking very good, if I do say so myself!

The biggest thing that's happened so far is that I did the whole tonsillectomy/adenoidectomy yesterday... I've been on pain meds for a good 24 hours now and I cannot talk or swallow worth shit. I really don't feel bad minus my throat/neck/ears. I am sort of tired but can't seem to fall asleep? It's so weird looking at my throat - I can barely open my mouth in the first place but when I can see it, it's all hollow but swollen at the same time? Especially my uvula. I think that's why I am having trouble talking.

The pain medication has to be crushed up and taken with food, but it's so gross tasting that I have to eat a lot of food with it, but it hurts to eat a lot of food haha it's just a cruel cycle I suppose...

I've been doing nothing but Facebooking, watching TV, playing Sims3 and reading Breaking Dawn, so I'm going to go continue that pattern by watching Hercules on Family Channel. I love that movie and haven't seen it in so long!

Pray for a quick recovery; a little sleep would be nice.

Power & Light.

There's a terrible glare on the screen but it feels awfully nice to have the sun on my back. Second-to-last day at work and it's a glorious one - last day of ladies events! I don't mind them as much as the guys do, it's just that the men are a hell of a lot easier to deal with most of the time - they don't ask as many questions and don't hang around the proshop unless they're watching TV.
My mom and brother stopped by yesterday because he's interested in becomming a caddy when the course re-opens in May of 2010. She got to finally meet all of the people I talk so much about, which was cool. Jake displayed his immeasurable intelligence when he put "JKB" over the initial portion of the name. "Last, First, Initial." looked like "Bliss, Jakob, JKB." We'll work on that.
Mike had an unpleasant sickness during the morning because of something to do with his food. He was doing marathon sprints to the bathroom and back to heave it all up, so I made him a bucket in his office so that he wouldn't risk puking on the country club wall on the way to the restroom. He looked terrible, I felt really bad for him.
Work was otherwise uneventful and I went home, hit the gym, then passed out by the side of the pool with Steph. I keep thinking I have these Twilight books figured out, but there are curveballs left and right! Stephanie Meyer is one smart bitch - keeps me reading and reading and reading.
I Love You, Man came out on DVD yesterday so Mike said that was my homework for the evening, and the straight A student part of me drove me to Blockbuster and rented it, along with a lovely $7.99 purchase of Grandma's Boy (if you haven't seen it, do so NOW.) After Steph and I had laid out we watched those back to back, then watched a little trash TV (aka Megan Wants A Millionaire). It's nice to watch mindless TV after 10:00PM, because your brain has stopped working regardless.
Today, my plans are as follow:
-Work 7:30-2:00.
-Read by the pool.
-Work out (today is arms).
-Pack a bit.
-Get my hair done.
-Go to Bar Louie.

I don't plan on staying long or drinking, but I would like to hang out with my work people one last time before I leave for good tomorrow.

Single tear.

Dear Diary,

I've been sitting here at work (doing nothing of importance, as usual) and I read through some of my old blogs. I remember how strict I was about posting daily. So strict, in fact, that if I knew I wouldn't have internet, I brought a legal pad and typed it up when I got the chance. It was never anything particularly useful or meaningful, just what I had done that day. I had so much fun with it though and it gave me some sort of constant in my life - no matter what else was going on, I would always be able to vent about it that night. It could be a word, a sentence, or a multi-paragraph mini-novel, but it always made me feel better. It's also nice to go back and see how I talked, how I typed, what I did and who my company was. There are things I would have probably forgotten about if not for these entries.

The point of this nostalgic story is to state that I will do my best to bring back the daily posts, but hopefully incorporate something thoughtful or interesting this time around. This year will be my second year of college and has a lot of potential for good things to write about, and I'd rather not miss out on that opportunity.

I'll give you the basics of my life as of late:
1. I am in love with my boyfriend, Jim McNeill. He lives in Boston and I hate the distance.
2. I am going to have surgery to get my tonsils and adenoids removed this Friday.
3. I am no longer working at the hair salon; I have moved on to Algonquin Golf Club as their proshop help. I get paid more to do less, so why not? I've also gotten great seats for free at Cards games.
4. I have drank a grand total of 7 times this summer, if that.
5. I go to the gym every single day.
6. I am taking a flight to return to St. Augustine on August 21st.
7. I will be a Freshman Orientation Volunteer before school begins; handing out room keys or making ID cards or whatever other miniscule thing they need me to do.
8. I have found a beautiful little home near school and will be residing in it with my roommates Paige Dotson and Ally DiPofi.

I guess I should go ahead and create and old post just for the hell of it:

This morning I woke up around the crack of dawn, and promptly hit the snooze button... once... twice... almost three times but I resisted the urge and rolled out of bed. I showered, downed some cheerios and threw on some clothes. I tend to wear the same 5 outfits to work everyday, but I don't dress like a golfer, therefore don't have much to work with. I got here, answered a few calls, and figured out my log-in.

I can understand why the fans would feel that way.

You call me grace, but I'm not graceful.

Every time alcohol has touched my lips this summer, I have woken up without memory of the night. Every time.

It probably has to do with the company. I rarely let myself go around people I barely know. Close friends? I trust them. I trust them to keep me from doing something stupid. Do they babysit me? Nah. I don't get sick, I don't cry, I don't go after boys. I just bump into walls and giggle, then eventually lay down and pass out. Normal. But it really is strange how one's comfort in a situation can totally change the outcome of the night.

The other problem is that I work 10 hours a day every day, work out, and sleep, there is no "going out" for me anymore, so I don't build up tolerance. Back at school when I drank every weekend, it took me three or four drinks to really get buzzed. Now? Two drinks and I'm ass-up in a corner somewhere. I'm tiny, so I'm a lightweight, but two drinks is a little ridiculous.

I was talking with Brooke last night and she made a good point. For lightweights, it's hard to know your limit. You have one drink, and you think, 'It's just one drink, I can have another.' But by the end of the second one you're smashed. "It's sober or drunk for us, those are the only two choices," she said. I think it's true. Kind of scary, but true. I was literally tipsy after drinking 1/3 of my first drink.

I've eaten and brushed my teeth. I can still taste it.

Calm down, calm down.

Do you ever have those days when you just want to write down everything you're thinking?

Today is one of those days. I have been so motivated to do anything and everything to better

my college days, but today, not only did I skip the gym, but I'm not doing a lick of homework.

Technically, I have nothing due tomorrow, but all the same, I feel like a failure if I'm not doing

something productive at some point in time. Ally and I had a deep conversation the other night

about life, and if we're really doing what truly is going to make us happy. Sure Public Relations

will be useful for a variety of things, but will I be happy doing it? If someone were to say "What

do you want to do with your life?" I would say "Become a CSI (forensics), a fashion photographer,

or an educator. I could dig being a math teacher." And what am I doing? Going into a field where

I have to speak in front of large groups when public speaking is in my top ten fears. Perhaps this

is my subconscious way of forcing myself to get over my fear. Do you think that's possible? I don't

really know what to do at this point, because besides "COM 101: Speech Communications," I haven't

taken a single communications course so I have no idea if it's truly what I'd like to do. I have decided

that if I dislike communications, I will switch to education. I would love to say that I made an impact

on someone else's life.

The beat goes on.

Stop.

As much as I appreciate free will

and the ability to think for ourselves

I get scared if I think too much

or too hard about something.

I need to go to bed before it gets worse.

The Waiting Game.

Sometimes you wait so long for something

and build up all these expectations and dreams

that when it finally happens,

it's not nearly as wonderful as you had anticipated.

That is the most sinking feeling in the world.

So sinking that you just don't feel at all.

You have no attachments to this false affair.

You keep waiting for the one of your dreams.