Married to the Sea.

It's that time of year, where everyone feels the need to cover every up and down they have experience over the past year.

2008.

Senior spring break.

My girls are my life.

$160 of alcohol in six days, that's talent.

A year of graduation.

[12th in the class!]

Which was simultaneously my 18th birthday; finally an adult.

Not that I'm treated as such, but the label is nice.

A year of transitions.

Moving to a new city, a new school, a new life.

St. Augustine is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Flagler College has given me the opportunity to branch out and grow independently,

all the while in the most beautiful and relaxing atmosphere one could ask for.

You know that feeling... it's end of third quarter and the sun is coming out more often.

You have your mind set on the carefree whims of summer, but you know you still must focus on school.

You have relieved all stress because you are so close to the end that nothing even matters.

That's how I feel every

single

day

at Flagler.

The atmosphere is ridiculous, and the friends are even better. I've met the most amazing people, and I am blessed.

I have an entire FAMILY at school, and I love them all, you know who you are: Kimmi, Meghan, Jamel, Jerry, James, Max, Fuzzy, J-P, Jenny, Britni, Isa, Amy, Ying, April, Zach, Chaz, Bo, Gavin, Joni, Keith, Jess, Katelyn, Nick, Daniel, Kyle, Ashley, Angie, Gabe, Megan, Dre, Cassie, JPB, Steve, John, and tons of others. But especially, I have no idea what I would do without Christie, my roommate, Ally, my wife, or Leah, my mother-figure.

Christie - You are the most happy-go-lucky weirdass motherfucker I've ever met, and I love you for it. No girl is ever confident enough to truly say what she means and do what she wants, and I really admire you for being that way. You had my back in every situation that went down this semester (which was WAY  more than once... bitches are crazy). You are in the cutest relationship ever, and I am behind it all the way. No more velvet cupcakes though.

Ally - We may as well live together. We do laundry together, eat together, work out together, party together, study together, Facebook creep together, tan together, and the list goes on. You are one of the brightest and most mature people that I know, not to mention hilarious when drunk. You took me to your hometown, which I thought was really cool of you. I know you mainly wanted someone to drive there with, but it was awesome that you wanted me to meet your friends and family, and see your daily grind. I think it made us closer and I hope I can visit again someday... but mostly because of Sheetz. :)

Leah - You are like a fortune teller. You always know what to say and when to say it. You have the best interest in mind for everyone, no matter if you are friends with them or you frankly can't stand them. You hand out advice like it's your job, which I appreciate to the fullest. I don't know what I would do without you sometimes. You always know what to say to straighten me out or cheer me up. Not to mention you are always smiling. Always. This keeps me in a good mood. I hope our gym regimen truly is concrete this semester, because I want to be in shape by the time it's warm enough to beach it again.

Now for the men in my life:

Jim - You know how important you are to me. We have a lot of similarities, in the sense that we both appreciate photography and both use a dry, sarcastic sense of humor whenever possible. You are the most genuine guy I know, and I love that you're in my life. I can always count on you to tell it like it is, or to lift me up when I'm down. Gotta love that Botown accent. :)

Chris - I know we tease you about being a mild form of Jesus, but it's because it's true. Any kid that can go through high school and college without drinking or smoking... ever... is a God. It just shows you have such great strength and self-discipline... which we all need. Not to mention your health. You are committed to keeping yourself in shape and eating right, even when it's SO HARD to do so at school. You just set such a good example for everyone, and you are the sweetest guy I know. More Photobooth sessions coming soon, whether you like it or not.

Alex - You have no inhibitions and are always true to yourself and others. You are always in a good mood and know how to make people laugh. Speaking of, your laugh is contagious and makes others happy. I always look forward to being in your presence just because of how happy you are and how excited you are about life. Not to mention you are the funniest motherfucker I've ever met. Dance parties in your car are some of my fondest memories of school, and don't forget Hootah's!

Marshal - I talk to you too much to even have anything to put here that you don't already know. You are always there for me and I appreciate that so much. You're a really smart kid, despite your grades. We'll fix that though -- study buddies, holla. You're ridiculous, and I love it. Less than three, mufucka. Horde 4 lyfe.

Last but not least, Batman - For some reason I have developed an obsession with you in this past year. I understand you aren't really there, but it's what you stand for. You weren't born with any tricks up your sleeve, or mutations, but regardless you go out of your way to do what's right for people. You use your intelligence, wit, and strength to do what is to be done. Not because you have to, not because you want to, but because you know in your heart it's the right thing to do. You stand for true justice in every day life, from the big stuff to the little things. I appreciate you constantly being in the back of my mind as a symbol of truth and the strength to do what is right.

I don't even have the energy to tell you how amazing my friends here in St. Louis are, and they know it. I have loved the chance to see them and catch up with them, and it bewilders me that NO ONE has changed. Everyone is exactly who they were when they left for college, and I am so proud. No one needed to change for anyone, and they all embraced that. These are the people I will grow old with.

The one thing I am currently not happy with is myself. I am happy with WHO I am, but not WHAT I am. This past semester, I have let my guard down to sodas and sweets and beer and fast food, and the habit I had of exercising went out the window. If I need to change anything in my life, it's this. I have one body to last me my whole life and I need to take care of it.

I have embraced both the old and the new and the ups and the downs for the life experiences that they proved to be, and I could not be more thankful. I'm excited to see what 2009 has in store for me.

Thank you to everyone who made 2008 possible.

Caped Crusader.

I've been having sharp stomach pains,

a fever, and a headache. I've felt poorly

since getting back in town. My mom is

convinced that I'm allergic to St. Louis

and I've been starting to believe her. I

am not complaining though; gives me an

excuse to have sober nights at home with

the family. Example; last night had a

Batman marathon with some of the old

movies. It was a good night and I got good

sleep. I missed a night out with my friends

at the bar, but more fun will be had soon.

Oddly though, I awoke with a text from one

of the bar-goers saying "Man I thought you

were sick. If you wanted to hang out with

other people you could have said something..."

For now I assume she is asleep but I'm

waiting for her response. I couldn't imagine

how she would have gotten the impression

that I even left the house last night. We'll

see.

For now, I feel it's a shame that I'm ill

because I would like to be exercising and

bettering my being. I've been cruel to my

body these past four months and I just

want to be healthy once more. Hopefully

this clears up soon, but for now, rest,

liquids, and plenty of World of Warcraft.

...21 days.

Everybody, do ya thang.

I almost spent my entire night on World of Warcraft.

Thankfully, Marshal left so I had no reason to stay home.

I went to Annie's and hung out with her and Evan Steiner.

I miss those two, I just didn't think I'd hang with them simultaneously.

Life is random.

24 days.

In this moment.

I'm smiling so bad it hurts.

25 days....!

I needed you to notice; that's all I wanted.

I love "Don't Cry Out" by Shiny Toy Guns. Just a side note.

I've watched The Dark Knight three times in the past two days, and I cannot get enough of that movie. I'm not your typical girl - I love action movies over romantic films any day of the week. But ironically, as much as I enjoy the fights and explosions, I'd have to say my favorite part of the whole movie is when Bruce and Rachel are in his penthouse, talking about the day Batman ceases to be needed.

"You always said that the day Batman was no longer needed was the day we could be together."

"Oh, Bruce..."

"Did you mean it?"

"Yes."

The kiss that follows that miniscule dialogue is the most love-filled, most pure kiss I've ever seen, and I hope to someday find love like that.

But for an in-the-moment update, I finally stopped loathing my home for a whole five hours last night.

Alex Gray picked me up for racquetball practice, and she had a CD in that I made for her about 10 months ago. That's dedication. We rocked out to some old favorites (that will actually never get old) and caught up on little things. She's got such a warm heart and I love being around her. Any inhibitions I had about being home for such a long time were completely erased because of her. Practice in itself was also fun, because I hadn't gotten to play since March (nationals) and racquetball was the only true sport I could not only tolerate, but enjoy. I loved getting to see other players and the coaches, and catching up with them. Sometimes it's fun to go back in time.

After racquetball Brit, her friend Erica from Truman, and Nikki came and got me to go bowling at Crestwood. Also a time travel, considering I was on the school's league for two years and that's where we would go to practice. I had so much fun with them, not to mention we were the only sober lane there, so we had fun listening to the havoc created by the other 29 lanes. Being in a good mood after a four day funk of melancholy was like a breath of fresh air, and I managed to bowl a 176 and a 160.

The strange part about the night, though, was that there was a man I was strangely attracted to at the alley. He must have been 27 or so. I really couldn't explain it; he wasn't in shape, he was slightly balding, and he wasn't over the top good looking, but I just could not stop staring at him. Glad I was sober though, because my crazy ass probably would have gotten his number.

Today I finally slept in, for I figured out I couldn't sleep because I was freezing. I decided to sleep in a hoodie last night and that made all the different. Instead of waking up at 7:30, I woke up at 11:30. Glad I figured it out.

I'm going to lift a little until my mom gets home with the car, and then I'll probably head up to school to visit some teachers and pick up my brother. Then off to the mall with Nikki to get some serious Christmas shopping done.

26 days...

I heard a good quote today.

"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to put it back together."

Sadly, I acquired it from a Facebook status and therefore have no idea of where it originated from, or who, rather, but regardless it made me stop and think. Anyone who has known me in these past few months knows I've spent countless minutes, hours, weeks, trying to hold onto something that just wasn't meant to be. I've been fighting for something that just isn't worth fighting for. It's the worst feeling in the world to realize your goal is a lie. You've been racing to the finish line only to find out that it's a circuit track, not a straight shot. You're given the choice to go around the circle again, building up the curiousity and excitement of perhaps finally reaching that finish line, only to realize all that is handed to you is another chance to go around the track. After a while the excitement gets old; it's anticipated and loses its shine. I finally got to that point and stepped off the track, into the arms of the crowd that had been yelling the whole time. Not for me, but against me. They had been saying "What in God's name are you doing out there? THAT'S A CIRCLE YOU DUMB SHIT." I just heard muffled roars, assumed they were cheers, and kept going. Well you know what? Sometimes ignorance is not bliss. Sometimes it just hurts. I'm glad I finally heard the yelling of my friends for what it truly was.

Now that I'm off the track, in the presence of those that truly care about me, I feel a hell of a lot better about myself. I set new goals, or, rather, dug up old ones that I had set aside. I'm a young woman and need to focus on my education and my health. A relationship is not on my priority list.

That was a whole lot of bullshit that was written around a fucking race track because I'm sitting here, wasting away my time at home watching Ricky Bobby...

... ?

28 days.

Back in black.

It feels good to be blogging again, but unfortunately it took so long to re-enter the website that I am now falling asleep, therefore too tired to issue a quality post.

Tomorrow we meet again, dear friends.

29 days until I'm back home.